Thursday, February 28, 2008

I'm Gonna Try...

Six posts for February?? That's pretty pathetic. Maybe I'll just start coming up with random stories.

Here's two.

Conversation between Travis and me last night after a commercial for the Smurfs DVD (Smurfs!!):

Travis: Gargamel. Heh.
Alyson: Ooh, there's a name for our boy!
Travis: .............. GARGAMEL JOHNSON.

The look and tone that accompanied his statement cracked me up. The name wasn't really funny until you said it in its entirety, stone-somber. (I should note, once again, that we're not pregnant, but I'm always on the lookout for clever boys' names. We have something picked out for a girl - and it's a doozy - but boys are harder. And I like to be prepared.)

Then there was ..... the new neighbor.

Okay, first of all, I should point out that I'm not normally a big fan of new neighbors. They almost always instantly irritate me in some way. (With the exception of people who moved in nearby a few months ago and rock the whole world.) This guy though - he's had people over helping him move, and he's been throwing the windows open and letting everyone holler and carry on well into the night on weekdays. I'm not a total prude, have your fun, but at midnight on Tuesday, dude, it's time to shut the eff up. Anyway...

Last night I see this GORGEOUS red Eskimo dog come running out the front door over there. The person with the dog hardly took notice. The dog ran into the yard, peed, then ran into the church yard next door, took a crap, and bolted. Okay, now if you're one with a proclivity to letting your dog wander around leashless, that's super, but he should probably be trained to handle it. I watched people run off after the dog, and about an hour later I saw the dog bolt through our yard. (I'd figured he'd been caught long since, so I was a little stunned.) I went outside and tried to call him to the house - despite the fact that he's proven himself at this point to likely be a little on the wild side - but to no avail. Eventually, the guy comes plodding out of the house, slowly makes his way across the street, and calls for the dog:


Demon? Effing DEMON? You have a dog named DEMON and you don't own a leash? Damned Demon ran all over the neighborhood all night long, crapping and peeing on everything he could find (thanks, dude, my dogs are going to be apeshit for a month) and completely ignoring his owner's yells. (By the way, the owner? Yeah, not the shiniest looking apple.) There's a park across the street where women and children were playing tennis, and the dog went over there and terorrized them for a while, then ran off down the street, nearly getting hit by a minivan in the process, while Neighbor did what could only be described as saunter down the sidewalk loudly yelling obscenities at the dog. (Again, please note: women and children.)

All the while I'm on my knees praying to the heavens above that this beautiful dog doesn't get hit by a car. And I might have prayed that a nice family with the capacity for love and discipline would stop and pick him up.

Did I mention that this whole time, Neigbor is wandering around in everyone's yards? Yeah, hi, nice to meet you, welcome to the neighborhood, would you like a muffin? Please get out of my backyard, since I just yelled that he's across the street again. My shed should be of no interest to you. The proper way to proceed in this situation, for future reference, is to knock on someone's door, introduce yourself, and say that you don't want them to be alarmed if they see you wandering around in their yard but your dog is loose. This will keep you from getting shot for trespassing (remember, this is Florida, so all these people are from Jersey), and it will keep the legal owner of the home from tearing you limb from limb in the aftermath of what ensues from letting their own six-pound pup out to pee, not realizing that your ill-behaved dog named DEMON is roaming their backyard.

I reserve the right to be proved wrong - but I don't think I'm gonna like the new neighbor.